Crying Out Silent Read online

  Ash’s smile dropped. “What’s wrong?”

  “I was just thinking about Joel calling me fishy.”

  Frowning, Ash’s gaze moved to Joel, who he’d made sit in my old seat. Joel’s head was resting on his arms, his dreadlocks covering his face, the dumb-arse no doubt sleeping again. The guy was a complete loser, a stoner with a mouth dirtier than my brother’s skid-marked undies. I really couldn’t understand why those two were best buds.

  “I’ll sort him out for ya,” Ash said. He placed an arm around my shoulders, making me smile again.

  A laugh came from the front of the classroom. Ash’s gaze shot to Tiana. The bitch was giggling and glancing back at him, obviously trying to attract his attention.

  The teacher looked over his shoulder. He’d been writing some Shakespearean quotes on the whiteboard for us to jot down. “Tiana,” he growled. “It’s bad enough you were late to class, I don’t think it’s wise to push my patience.”

  “I’m really sorry, Mr. Ogilvy,” Tiana said, sounding sickly sweet.

  “Apology accepted.” He smiled at her, forgiving her way too quick for my liking. Everyone knew she was his top student, along with gay boy.

  Mr. Ogilvy returned to writing on the whiteboard, although Ash’s gaze remained on Tiana. I kissed him on the cheek, getting his attention again. He looked at me with a quizzical expression.

  “You wanna go to your place at lunch?” I whispered.

  He removed his arm from around my shoulders. “Sure, though my stepdad will be there.”

  I scowled, his stepdad a right arsehole. When we’d first met, Chaz had taken an instant disliking to me, and all because I’d jokingly called him Mrs. Rata. He didn’t look like a female, far from it, but he did look funny wearing what was obviously Ash’s mother’s MUM apron. And it had just been one joke, or two, considering I still called him that. Anyway, he deserved it, because I didn’t like the way he was always coming into Ash’s room when we were in there. Just because he didn’t like me, didn’t mean he had a right to try and ruin things between me and Ash.

  “Or we could go to the beach,” Ash countered.

  “Not after last time,” I replied, the both of us having been caught there once before.

  “Then, it’s either my house or we stay here.”

  I glanced at Tiana, not wanting him to be within sight of her. “How about my house after school, then? My mum started back at her old job last week.”

  “I can’t today, got rugby practice.”

  “You can come afterwards.”

  “I won’t finish ’til six. Coach wants us to be ready for the coming season.”

  “How about tomorrow, then?”

  “What ’bout your brothers? Will they be there?”

  “No, they’ll be at work and uni, while my dad will be working late, so no one will be home for at least two hours.”

  He smiled. “Sure, and we can—”

  The teacher cut him off, “Ash and Jenna, please stop talking and do your work.”

  “Sorry,” Ash muttered. He dropped his gaze and started taking notes, which I had no intention of doing, because I hated English class.

  Instead, I looked over at Tiana, who right at that moment glanced back, along with her friend. Both of them were looking in Ash’s direction, Tiana smiling shyly. I quickly turned my attention to Ash, upset that he was looking back at her again. I felt like hitting him for it. I also wanted to yell at him to stop paying Tiana attention. He should be looking at me like that—like he used to. I didn’t want him to lose interest in me, I wanted him bad. Maybe if I finally gave into sex he wouldn’t look at Tiana like that anymore.

  Maybe...

  I placed my hand on his lap again, and leaned closer to his ear, whispering, “I’m ready.”

  He turned his head towards me. “For what?”

  I whispered, “Sex.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “What?”

  “You heard me. I wanna do it tomorrow when you come over.”

  He stared at me for a long moment, making me worry he was going to turn me down. “Okay,” he finally said, although he didn’t appear happy about it, something I did not expect. I’d thought he’d jump at the opportunity.

  “Just okay?” I said, now really worried he was losing interest in me.

  Clearing his throat, he glanced at the back of his mates’ heads. Both Ant and Marko were too engrossed in whatever they were doing to pay us any attention.

  Ash refocused on me. “You sure?”

  I nodded.

  “You don’t hafta if you don’t wanna.”

  I smiled, the guy a sweetheart. “I wanna, ’cause I love you.”

  He shifted about in his chair, looking distinctly uncomfortable. I wished he would say I love you back, but knew he had issues with the words. Though, once we’d had sex, I was sure he would change his mind.

  He finally nodded. “That’ll be great.”

  I smiled, knowing it would be.

  ***

  The rest of the day went painfully slow, because all I wanted to do was to get home and search for my brothers’ porn videos. I knew they had some after I’d tried to find money in their rooms. One of the dickheads had hidden his under his bed, behind a mess of smelly clothes, while the other had stashed his in his wardrobe.

  I sprinted home, not waiting for my friend Cassidy, who I knew would bitch at me the next day for ditching her, but I had more important things to do. Like learning how to have sex, so I didn’t embarrass myself with Ash. He was my first boyfriend, and since he’d had a girlfriend before me, I didn’t want to look like an idiot with not knowing what to do. I also didn’t want him dumping me because I was lousy at sex.

  Out of breath, I unlocked my front door and shut it behind me. I called out my brothers’ names, just in case they had come home early, but no one replied. The small lounge was devoid of my moronic siblings, along with any sense of style. Everything was mismatched, which was my mum’s fault. She loved garage sales, which drove my dad insane, especially when she filled the house with people’s second-hand crap.

  I dumped my bag in the lounge and ran for my second oldest brother’s bedroom. I opened the door, and instantly put my hand over my nose. Vic was disgusting. He never cleaned his room, but at least he had a bigger collection of porn than my other brother.

  I took a giant breath in and got down on my hands and knees in front of his bed. I pushed his smelly clothes to the side, now regretting not going to my older brother’s room. But I was here now, plus the videos were within reach. I covered my nose again, let my breath out, then took in another one and reached under the bed, dragging out the box of porn. I picked it up and headed out of the smellanator’s room and into mine, closing the door behind me.

  I sat down on my bed and removed each video, pulling faces at all the boobs on show. I got to the last video, my gaze going to the title: Virginal Vicky. Bingo! I stuffed the rest of the videos back into the box and returned them to Vic’s disgusting room, then headed for the lounge. I put the chains across the back and front door and closed the curtains. My heartbeat picked up as I pushed the porno into the video player. I turned on the TV and sat in front of it, wanting to make sure that if anyone came home I could remove it quickly before I was made to take the chain off the door. They would know I’d been up to something, just not this something.

  An image of a girl came up on screen, well, she wasn’t exactly a girl. At a guess, she was in her late twenties. She was dressed in a school uniform, which looked ridiculous in my opinion, considering she was way too old for it. Or maybe she was just a dumb-arse who couldn’t pass the final year and had to return like TEN TIMES! It reminded me of those American programmes of high school students, which had old farts pretending to be teenagers.

  Anyway, the actress in the porno was walking home with a backpack. She removed a wrapper from a lollipop and started sucking it just as a man pulled up next to her in a flash red car. She stopped and turned to him as he called out to
her.

  “Sorry, I’m not allowed to talk to strangers, mister,” she said, batting her fake eyelashes at him.

  “I’m not a stranger; I went to school with your brothers,” he said. “I’m Mike Rogers.”

  She let out a ridiculous giggle, like Minnie Mouse on helium, which made me want to smack her in the face. Then like a moron she went up to his car and leaned her elbows on the window frame, resembling a hooker more than a schoolgirl. Her ridiculously short school skirt rode up her arse, giving me an unwanted glimpse of her pink G-string. I rolled my eyes, thinking this was ridiculous. I was also getting impatient, just wanting them to get to the bits I needed to know about. I picked up the remote and fast forwarded it. The stupid twat then got into his car, then Mike what’s-his-face drove her to a big white house.

  Next thing, they were inside his lounge, Mike offering her a drink. Virginal Vicky giggled and told him she was underage. AS IF! Because she was old enough to own her own brewery. I fast forwarded the video again, thinking only my brother would be dumb enough to watch something like this.

  They finally started taking their clothes off. My eyes popped out as Mike revealed his you-know-what. I wondered how the hell it would fit inside of Vicky, because he was huge. A second later, my mouth hit the floor. I yelled, “Gross!” as the woman started sucking on it. I quickly fast forwarded that part, definitely not willing to do that, even for Ash.

  The gross chick finally stopped sucking his thingy, then got pushed onto the— How did they get into the bedroom? Because I swear they were in the lounge when her mouth was attached to his King Kong. Anyway, she was lying on her back and he was in between her legs, putting on a condom. I wrote down on my notepad to make sure I stole a condom from one of my brothers, which I’d also found while searching for money.

  I stopped writing and tilted my head to the side as the actor pushed his... cock into her. I didn’t like the name dick or penis. Both of them sounded like what I would call Joel. Yeah, cock it was. The actor pushed it into Virginal Vicky, who was moaning and looking like she was loving it. I jotted down to moan, just in case I didn’t feel like doing it. The man then started moving his cock in and out of Vicky, who moaned louder, telling him he was the best fuck ever, which obviously he was considering she was supposed to be a virgin. I jotted that down too, making sure that I told Ash he was the best. No, he might think I’d slept with lots of guys if I said ‘the best’. Maybe I could just say he was great. Yeah, that would work. I jotted that down too.

  Virginal Vicky started making really loud noises, then hollered, “Oh, God!” The guy picked up speed, going Flash fast, pistoning in and out of her. A second later, he withdrew and whipped off his condom, and... OOOOOOOOOH the dirty bugger spurted sperm all over her! No way in hell was I going to let Ash do that to me. NO WAY! I wrote down to tell Ash this, because what was the point of condoms if you took them off before you’d even finished. Not only was it a waste of money—or a waste of money for my brother, it was uber gross.

  I pulled the condom out... No, I meant I pulled the tape out of the video player, and pushed it back into its case. I jumped up and ran down the hall, putting it away under my brother’s bed. Next, I went to his stash of condoms, which was in his drawer, under his underwear. I grabbed one of his shirts, using it like a glove to push his underwear aside, not risking touching them. Knowing Vic, I wouldn’t have put it past the disgusting twat to have tossed his dirty gruds back in with the clean ones.

  I grabbed two condoms just in case I wanted to do it twice that day, plus Ash was really hot. It also paid to have a spare one just in case he tore it, because they looked really thin on the porno, so thin that I could see Mike’s veins through the rubber. I wondered whether Ash had veins on his cock too.

  I left my brother’s room as it was—a pigsty, then went into my own room, putting the condoms into a period pad case, so no one would find them... unless my mum ran out and went searching through my stuff. Definitely not wanting that to happen, I pulled them out and wrapped my P.E. shorts around them, then stuffed them into the bottom of my schoolbag.

  Noise came from the front door, alerting me to the fact I’d forgotten to take the chain off. Shit! I ran to the front door and removed the chain, opening it for… Vic. I pulled a face at him and headed back to my room. My brother, who was seventeen, followed me. He was blond and good-looking—like me, just with a crappy attitude, which meant he could never keep a steady relationship. It didn’t help that he was a lying, cheating dirtbag, who usually had more than one girlfriend at a time.

  “Why was the chain across?” he asked.

  “Get outta my room!” I yelled at him.

  “Not until you tell me what you were doing that needed the chain.” A grin spread across his face. “Was your lesbo friend here?”

  “Cassidy’s not a lesbian, arsehole!”

  His grin widened. “But you knew which friend I was talking about.”

  “Only ’cause you keep calling her one.”

  “’Cause she looks like a giant dyke. Bet you go on top, ’cause she’d flatten you othewise.”

  I grabbed my pillow and threw it at him, yelling at the top of my lungs, “Get out!”

  He batted the pillow away. “Do your boobs get in the way when you kiss her?” He started sniggering. “Nah, you have no boobs!”

  I leapt off the bed, shoving him into the wall. He let out a loud yelp and smacked me in the face. I barely felt it, too angry to feel anything other than rage. I threw a punch in retaliation, but he blocked it. He launched himself at me, tackling me onto my bed. I went wild, using my fists and nails, doing anything to hurt him. He smacked my hands away and rammed his elbow into my stomach hard, knocking the wind out of me. I started coughing and spluttering as he pushed off me.

  “I was wrong!” he yelled. “No one would’ve been here, ’cause you’re Jenna-No-Friends! You’re an arsehole who no one likes! And when your boyfriend finds out what a cunt you are, he’ll drop you faster than your last friend, ’cause everyone ends up hating you!” He stormed out of my room and into his, slamming the door shut.

  I curled up on my bed and started crying, knowing he was right. It was probably why Ash was pulling away from me. I had to fix things by giving him the best sex he’d ever had, so he didn’t leave me. I couldn’t take it if he did, because I loved him. Loved him so much that I felt like locking him in my room and never letting him out.

  Ever.

  4

  JENNA

  The next day, I was a nervous wreck as I walked to school. By the time I got to my homeroom and sat behind my desk, I was ready to jump out of my skin, so on edge over what I was going to be doing with Ash. It didn’t help that he wasn’t at school yet, especially since I jumped every time a student entered the classroom, my anticipation turning into fear.

  Cassidy entered the classroom with my other friend, the two looking odd next to each other. Cassidy was as big as a hippo, while Rhoda was basically a human giraffe, taller than all the boys in the class, except for Ant and her crush Marko. Ant’s best mate was sitting in front of me, totally oblivious to the longing stares Rhoda was throwing his way.

  My friends took the desks across the aisle from me, Cassidy sitting the closest. “Why’d you take off after school?” she asked. “You promised to walk home with me.”

  “Had somewhere to be,” I replied, my eyes flicking to the door as it opened, hoping it was Ash. But instead the ginger-haired kid walked in, all hunched shoulders and an I wish I wasn’t here expression written across his too pretty face. If he wasn’t wearing a boy’s uniform, people would totally think he was a girl, especially with that long ponytail swishing back and forth.

  “Yeah,” Cassidy said, “you were meant to be with me.”

  “If I could, I would’ve, but it was important.”

  “What was so important that you needed to ditch me?”

  “It was to do with Ash, okay, so get off my case.”

  Her lips stretched into a lewd g
rin, the mention of Ash chasing away her annoyance. “Or to do Ash? Did you finally do the deed with pretty boy?”

  “What I do with Ash is none of your business,” I hissed, embarrassed over what she’d said, Joel’s dreadlocked head instantly popping up behind her. His eyes moved to me, a grin spreading across his stupid face.

  Cassidy grimaced, not having a clue she’d woken the stoner. “Why not? I tell you all about the guys I score with.”

  “Which I don’t wanna know about!” I snapped, a bit too harshly, Joel listening in and my nerves over Ash worsening my temper.

  “I do,” Joel said. “I wanna know what kind of loser is so desperate he’d fuck you.”

  Cassidy’s face went bright red, but instead of biting back at him, she turned around and looked down at her desk, her bottom lip trembling. I went to yell at Joel for upsetting her, but snapped my mouth shut as the door opened. My gaze shot to it, but instead of Ash, Mr. Pizza Face walked in. That was the name I called my Maths and homeroom teacher, since he had a ridiculous amount of zits on his face. As he headed for his desk, my eyes remained on the door, getting more and more worked up as time ticked by without a sign of Ash. Was he avoiding me? Did he change his mind? My attention shifted to Tiana’s desk, which was empty. Was he with her?

  I dug my fingernails into my palms, then jumped again when the door opened. Tiana walked in alone. Her gaze moved to the desk next to me—where Ash normally sat—which told me she hadn’t been with him. I let out a sigh of relief and returned to watching the door. As the bell for homeroom rang, Mr. Pizza Face started calling out our names, getting to the end of the roll without Ash showing. I dropped my gaze, feeling like crying, scared that Ash was skipping school because he didn’t want to have sex with me.

  After the bell rang for the end of homeroom, I got up with my bag and shoved past my two friends, just wanting to go home before I burst into tears in front of everyone. The door slammed open as I neared it, Ash running in, his wild gaze going from me to the teacher.