Crying Out Silent Page 30

  Llewellyn laughed, not appearing offended at all by my comment, only amused, the sound and her smile making my heart clench.

  You’re here to fuck up my life, aren’t you? I wanted to say, but instead continued talking like we were old mates. Though, the way she was looking at me wasn’t how mates would look at each other. She was definitely here to fuck up my life, because I knew, just knew she still wanted me.

  And I still wanted her.

  Do you want more of Ash and Llewellyn?

  I’m currently writing the continuation of their story with

  Ashes to Ashes

  In the meantime...

  Ash is also a main character in Graffiti Heaven, which chronicles the moments leading up to his stepfather’s attack on him and his family. Llewellyn is in it, but only as a minor character, Ash not having connected with her at that stage. Instead, it details his relationship with Tiana and how he coped with the tragedy that befell his family. Jenna is also a main character, along with Tiana and her brother. Crying Out Silent was originally meant to be its sequel, but I decided against linking the two books together since there were too many differences for them to be placed in the same series.

  Both Ash and Llewellyn also feature in the Behind the Lives series. The Rata storyline starts in book 2 with Behind the Tears, while Llewellyn features in book 4. They are living separate lives at this point, so it isn’t necessary to read Behind the Lives to follow their relationship. They are also in another series called Broken Lives (Dante’s series) from book 4 onwards, along with the Broken Lives short stories. Though, again, you won’t miss out on anything in Ash and Llewellyn’s storyline if you don’t want to commit to reading those other series. Crying Out Silent and Ashes to Ashes contains everything that you need to know about Ash and Llewellyn’s relationship.

  Please note that Llewellyn is known as L in Behind the Lives and Broken Lives.

  GRAFFITI HEAVEN SAMPLE

  1

  ASH

  Wednesday, August 23, 2000.

  Today was going to suck, but hopefully in the best possible way.

  Too nervous to look at Tiana, who was quietly sitting next to him, Ash stared out of the bus window as houses and trees flicked by, the urban landscape stuck in the past like a film from the early nineties—a South Auckland “Boyz n the Hood.” But unlike the movie, no Californian bungalows populated the roadside, just wooden boxes framed by grass, concrete and fences. But the style of painting was the same—a real graffiti heaven.

  Claydon Shopping Mall’s green and white supermarket and The Warehouse’s large red building drew closer, the only sign that the town had moved into the twenty-first century. The bus stopped to pick up a passenger, the wait making Ash irritable. He just wanted to get to Tiana’s house as quickly as possible before she changed her mind.

  Tiana’s shoulder rubbed against his as the bus started up again, the rumble causing him to shake rather than his nerves. For a second he smiled, still surprised that she’d skipped school with him. Normally Tiana gave him disapproving looks when he suggested cutting class. She was a good Tongan girl, and someone his cousin had warned him against going out with.

  ‘You’re kidding yourself if ya think she’ll go anywhere near your dick,’ Hunter had said. ‘The only thing she’ll touch is a Bible.’

  Yeah, Tiana was religious, the cross she wore between her breasts a warning to keep his hands to himself, but he liked her and was a real sucker when it came to the quiet girls. This was because the loud ones had a perverse way of humiliating him, like Jenna Hamilton did when she told his mates that he was lousy at sex.

  The bus turned right at the roundabout and headed down Tiri Road. He risked a look at Tiana. With long brown hair, caramel-coloured skin and almond-shaped eyes, he thought she was stunning. When his mates had found out he was seeing her, they had joked that the “Polynesian princess” was slumming it, and although he would never admit it to them, he agreed that she was too good for him.

  He took in her profile. She was staring up the aisle with her full lips pressed firmly together. He imagined those lips wrapped around his cock. Her back straightened as though she knew what he was thinking. He quickly glanced out the window. But she’d been the one who’d suggested it. He hadn’t even considered asking for a blowjob, his dreams only centred on what was below her skirt. Then again, maybe that was why she was willing to give him one, because she was probably sick of telling him to keep his hands out of her knickers.

  ‘I’m not having sex until I’m married,’ she’d said. ‘So, if ya love me you’ll wait.’

  As if! He was never getting married. She hadn’t seen what marriage and divorce had done to his parents. And anyway, why the hell did she want to get married? She was only sixteen, and he was barely that. Well, he would be next week, and about time, because he wanted that car his cousin had promised him. Okay, it was hideous looking, a snot-green Ford Escort, but with Hunter’s help he was going to give it a choice new paint job.

  Tiana took a hold of his left hand, distracting him from what images he could paint on the car. “I love you, Ash.”

  “Thanks.”

  She stiffened, making him feel like crap. He liked her loads, and at times thought he might love her, but wasn’t sure. He wanted to be with her, only her, but didn’t know if he’d always feel the same way. Plus, people who said they loved someone usually ended up doing horrible things to them—like his father had. Drugged out and in a rage, his father had taken a car jack to his mother over their divorce, probably would’ve killed her too if Ash and Hunter hadn’t stepped in. Ash looked down at his crooked pinkie finger, the only visible scarring he’d received apart from the one hidden under his mop of black hair. And in just over a week his father would be out of prison. The thought made him sick.

  The bus jolted as it went over a speed bump. They headed past Claydon High, the white exterior defaced by colourful graffiti—the school Tiana was supposed to go to. But she’d managed to get into his—Wera High—on her grades and sporting achievements. She was an excellent netball player and had been approached by the national coach to represent New Zealand.

  The bus stopped a few houses away from the rival school. Ash and Tiana made their way out and onto the footpath, then before he knew what had happened, Tiana jumped back onto the bus and the doors closed between them.

  “What the fuck?” he yelled.

  She said something that he couldn’t hear then the bus drove off, leaving him standing there like a moron, staring after it. Was she punishing him for not saying he loved her?

  Several feet ahead, a group of seniors dressed in Claydon’s blue and grey uniform walked towards him, a bloke with spiky brown hair the only one out of uniform. Ash suddenly felt self-conscious in red and black, as though he’d walked into an opposing gang’s headquarters and had given them the finger.

  Two of the boys shouldered Ash as they walked past, the one with spiky hair muttering, “Wera scum.” Marijuana smoke wafted from the guy’s blunt, the sweet smell lingering for a moment before disappearing into the cool breeze. Relieved they hadn’t done more, Ash watched as they headed through the school gates, surprised that the guy was still holding the blunt. Someone yelled Ash’s name. He turned and looked down the road as Tiana ran towards him. Both relief and annoyance fought for attention.

  “Wuz that some sort of joke?” he said as she neared him. “Cos I didn’t find it funny.”

  She looked down, her long brown hair hiding her face. “No,” she said out of breath. “I got scared when I saw those guys.”

  “Why?”

  She shrugged. “Can’t explain it, just did. I’m really sorry.”

  He breathed out. “No probs. Guess that’s why you’re at Wera, cos those nasty Claydon boys scare you, unlike us nice boys at Wera who just get you horn—” He grinned, “Swooning.”

  She humphed, “Yeah, right, Romeo, it’s cos Claydon’s a really bad school. I used to hate goin’ there. And it’s not just the students w
ho are bullied, even the teachers are harassed.”

  “That happens at our school too.”

  “Not like Claydon. They bring knives into class, even guns.”

  “Yeah, I heard that too.” Ash started walking, grateful that he didn’t live in Claydon, because unlike Tiana he had no great sporting talent. Being good at rugby wasn’t enough, because half of bloody South Auckland was great at that game and the Pacific Island boys had bulk on their side. Get hit out on a field by one of those mofos and you’d end up in a neck brace, which was why he learned how to sidestep pretty fast.

  Tiana took hold of his hand. They walked in silence, Ash acutely aware of being out in the open. He’d been caught a few times skipping class and had almost gotten suspended once, which would’ve ended in an expulsion if the principal had found out what he’d really been up to. His cousin occasionally asked him to be a backup man for selling drugs, and if anything went wrong Ash was to lure the cops or an angry customer away. But some dreg pulled a gun on him the last time, that experience putting him off from helping Hunter again.

  “This is my road,” Tiana said.

  They entered the side street with a corner dairy. Signs advertising The New Zealand Herald and women’s magazines brightened the shop’s exterior along with buckets of flowers. Trees and power-poles punctuated the sidewalk, the pink blossoms contrasting with the concrete eyesores. Tiana steered him into a property framed by an alleyway and a large steel pylon. The weatherboard home appeared well cared for; its white exterior gleaming like an advertisement for house paints. To Ash’s relief the driveway was empty, only tyre marks remaining on the lawn.

  “Told ja my mum would be out,” Tiana said. “She helps at church on Wednesdays.”

  They walked up the path and onto the patio, Ash’s nerves causing his stomach to clench as she unlocked the front door. She glanced past him as though to check that no nosy neighbours were watching, then ushered him inside. A mixture of bright colours assaulted his eyes as he entered the lounge. Two handmade quilts with flower patterns adorned one wall while a large photo of what appeared to be Tiana’s family filled the space in between. He frowned, the boy standing behind Tiana looking a lot like the spiky haired guy.

  Tiana grabbed his arm as he moved towards it. “Shoes off,” she said.

  He toed off his boots then walked up to the picture. It was the guy, just younger and... He’d also seen him somewhere else before, but buggered if he could remember where.

  He pointed at the picture. “You were avoiding your brother?”

  “I was protecting you; he would’ve bashed you for bein’ with me. He’s extremely over-protective.”

  “You could’ve just told me that without lying.”

  She grimaced. “I thought you’d dump me if you knew what he was like.”

  He put his arms around her waist. “I wouldn’t do that. And you haven’t met my father; he’d make your bro look like the Pope.”

  She laughed. “Well, at least your stepdad’s nice.”

  “S’pose so, I just wish he’d stop goin’ through my stuff.”

  “Yeah, my mother does that too.” She kissed his cheek. “You wanna go to my room now?”

  Smiling, he followed her down the passage, feeling a hell of a lot better. After four months of dating, he’d wondered why she hadn’t invited him to meet her family. His cousin had told him Tiana was probably ashamed of him. Although Hunter had been joking Ash had believed it, but now, it looked like he was wrong.

  Pictures of netball players decorated her bedroom walls, while makeup, jewellery and tiny porcelain ponies littered her mirrored cabinet. Ash’s gaze zeroed in on the bed, the thought of what Tiana was going to do making him want to run to the bathroom for another clean. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, and tried not to let on how nervous he was. No one had ever offered him anything like this before...

  Well, that wasn’t entirely true because he’d had sex with Jenna Hamilton five months ago. Though, he could hardly call it that, considering all he did was stick it in and nothing else. In and out, not even a wiggle about, because she’d started crying, complaining that he was hurting her. Then he saw blood. Freaking, he’d apologised profusely, and had gotten dressed and left. And when she’d slagged him off at school, totally humiliating him in front of his mates, he hadn’t said a word because he’d felt awful that he’d hurt her. Eventually he’d fessed up to his cousin about what had happened. In return Hunter had given him some advice:

  ‘Chicks are like ground and instant coffee. One tastes better but takes longer to prepare. If you wanna go with a virgin, cumming doesn’t happen instantly, you hafta grind them slow or else those chicks will scream bloody murder. And that’s precisely why I like older women, cos I prefer instant. You put your spoon in, mix it around and hey presto you get an orgasm.’

  And then Hunter had gone on to explain what types of chicks were good for roasting.

  Tiana shut the door, flicked on a light switch then closed the shutters. She turned around, her expression reflecting the nervousness he felt. Unsure of what to say or do, Ash sat on the bed, hoping that she would make the first move. He didn’t want to stuff things up twice.

  She sat next to him and looked down at her hands, not uttering a word. Feeling awkward, Ash went to ask if she was alright, but before he could get a word out she grabbed his face and planted a kiss on his lips, knocking him against the headboard. He quickly recovered and returned the kiss, then almost jumped as she touched his crotch. Willing himself to relax, he closed his eyes and placed a hand on one of her breasts, expecting to get it smacked off, but instead she unzipped his pants and started jerking him off. And there was no way he wanted to spurt before they’d barely started. Mrs. Mullen, he thought, think of Mrs. Mullen. An image of his elderly neighbour popped into his head—dentures and all. He shuddered, imagining those awful teeth on his cock.

  He opened his eyes to get a picture of Tiana, and slipped a hand under her jumper. She pulled back from their kiss. Her face was flushed, both embarrassment and arousal colouring her caramel skin.

  “Close your eyes,” she said.

  He did as instructed and sat waiting, feeling both exposed and excited. A light kiss brushed his cock, making him jump. Tiana giggled then lifted up his shirt and jumper. He peeked to see what she was doing. She was staring at his erection against his stomach.

  “It’s so red.” Her eyes flicked up to his. “I told ja to close your eyes, Ash.”

  Embarrassed, he closed them again. He thought she’d just put it in her mouth and make him cum, not examine him like some science experiment, ready to be marked on his size and bloody colour. No, don’t get him wrong, he was proud of what he had down there, because he was definitely bigger than his mates—not like he was looking, they just seemed smaller—but why the hell wasn’t she putting it in her mouth already?

  She rained more kisses on it. He felt her move off the bed then a strange, but nice moistness enveloped his cock. What sounded like a car door slammed outside, taking away the warmth encasing him. He opened his eyes and looked at Tiana, who was now kneeling in front of him with a frightened expression.

  “What—”

  She placed a finger to his lips. He closed his mouth and waited, wondering what he’d done wrong now. The sound of the front door jiggling made both of them bolt to their feet. She pulled the blinds up and opened the window, silently gesturing for him to climb out. He zipped up his pants and climbed through the window, jumping onto the grass.

  “My boots,” he whispered.

  “Later,” she hissed. “Go.” She shooed him with a flick of a hand, then lowered the blinds.

  He stood there, frozen like a stunned animal. A door shutting inside snapped him out of his possum-in-headlights state. He inched around the corner of the house, aware that he could still be seen. It wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured meeting her mum, dad, or whoever it was.

  A silver station wagon was parked in the driveway. He slowly edged down t
he side of the house and peeked around the corner at the front. No one was in sight, but he still had to run down the driveway and, from memory, the curtains were wide open. He glanced at the fence lining the walkway. Yeah, he could scale that. He put a foot on the middle beam and pushed himself up and over, landing on the concrete on the other side, then ran down the walkway and onto a field. Classrooms framed one side, while a fence outlined the back of the school with roofs jutting over the top. He grimaced, realising he was on Claydon High’s rugby field, the goal posts and blue clad students hard to miss.

  A group of boys throwing around a rugby ball looked his way. A fat boy yelled out, “Hey, wrong school, dumb-arse.”

  Ash gave him the finger then ran back down the alleyway, glancing over his shoulder to see if anyone had followed. Nope, he was safe. He turned back round, and almost smacked face first into three guys as they piled into the walkway: Tiana’s brother and his mates.

  “Shit,” Ash muttered.

  Tiana’s brother pulled out something from his pocket. “Thought I recognised you. Now, the question is do ya recognise me?”

  Ash’s gaze dropped to the black handle of a gun. He backed up, the scene feeling like déjà vu. It was the cokehead who’d pulled the gun on him and Hunter during the drug sale a few months back, but this time the guy was sporting a different hairstyle and was his girlfriend’s psycho brother.

  Yeah, today did suck, but in the worst possible way.

  BROKEN ENGLISH SAMPLE

  Set in 2002

  Temptation is the fire that brings up the scum of the heart.

  Thomas Boston

  1

  CLARA