Don't Peek (The Diaries of a Teenage Girl) Page 4
(Typed on a different piece of paper during Typing class)
I am typing this now because I’m frustrated with my typing exam mark, which was 38%. Also, for once in typing I don’t know what to do. I should continue writing on the sheet that I used for biology, but I like typing things out. This is my last period for the day and thank goodness for that.
I am sick and tired of not having a boyfriend. I haven’t even been out with a boy yet, isn’t that stupid. I know who I would like to go out with and you can see who it is in my diary. Mike Nicholls. Boys must think I’m weird. It’s not fair. All the other girls get to go out with boys while I stay home. When I went to Rainbow’s End with some friends last year I was really left out because I didn’t have a boyfriend. Well, that’s how I felt. Why can’t I have a guy who like, likes me for once. I’m not asking for too much am I? I think Caleb liked me because he said he wanted to go out with me, but what happened? I didn’t see him again. It’s just so frustrating and unfair. I wish Mike would like me, but I guess I’m asking for too much. Sometimes I feel that guys mock me. It isn’t funny. Why can’t they be nice to me? I’m also fed up with who I’m sitting with at school. Clara’s alright, because she’s my best friend, but Jill is a pain in the neck, she always makes me annoyed. Also, all Clara does is sit with Mike (her Mike, not mine) in the Science rooms. She never wants to do anything. I wish that I was in a group like the one Mike (my one) is in, but it’s only wishes, not reality.
I still want to be a cyclist and go to the Olympics. I will be training in the summer holidays. I’ve got karate tomorrow. I hope that I will soon be able to go every time. I can’t do this yet because my toe is not completely better from the accident.
Well, I better finish typing this, because the bell is going to ring any minute now.
SUNDAY
23
OCTOBER
I just had karate. It went from 9 am to 12 pm. Mike was there. I keep on thinking that I always do something wrong when he’s around. I mean, I always want to impress him. I hate to write this in the diary now because I’m just writing the same things over and over again. It’s annoying. Nothing ever seems to happen.
Night time
I’ve got a cold and it’s a pain in the neck or more accurately the throat. Also, I have my art piece to finish, but I think it’s too cluttered for reproduction. I hope not, because it works real good, and there isn’t enough time left to do much else. Plus, I’ve got a test on Tuesday for Biology to study for. It’s genetics and all that stuff.
Well, enough of that, I want to talk about MIKE (well, not exactly). Anyway, I really want him but I don’t have much luck with boys. He is just so-o-o-o-o gorgeous. I wish that he would like me, because I really like him a lot. I want to know what he feels. He is a nice person and everything else. I want to be able to talk to him, see his views. I want to help him with his homework and if he wants to, he can help me. I want to go on bike rides with him. Have fun with him. Be with him. I only wish he would feel the same way about me. I never wrote anything like this in my previous diaries, about a boy, that is. Still, it’s really good to get things like this out. It’s better to open up somehow, rather than to keep it all bottled up inside. I can sometimes get too inward or shy with my emotions. I know I’ve got to share them with another person, and since I don’t have another person right now the diary substitutes until I can get someone I can relate to, be in love with. I want that person to be Mike.
I know I’m sounding a bit too serious here, but I need to write. I need to let it out. Boy, if Mike knew about this book and what I felt about him – I’m just speechless.
I wish he would pay more attention to me. I wish he would smile at me at school or even say hi. And most of all, I wish he would ask me to go out and around, or even his friends can ask me for him, so any which way I still get to go out with him. Because I know how hard it is to ask someone out.
A wish: Please, Mike, will you ask me out?
What will happen?
MONDAY
24
OCTOBER
I don’t have school today because it’s Labour Day, so it’s a long weekend. I’ve got my Bio test tomorrow, so I’ve got to study heaps today.
I’ve got terrible hay fever. I thought it was a cold or bug at first, but I had no temperature, so it was hay fever. I’ve got sore ears, nose, throat, and a sore on my arm, the last from karate.
SUNDAY
30
OCTOBER
I’m going to tell you what happened to me over the past days. Not necessarily in order.
I went to Shena’s on Friday night to see the video ‘E.T.’ and a bit of ‘Stand By Me’ again. And I got a book with the story of ‘Stand By Me’ in it. It’s called ‘The Body – The Loss of Innocence’ or something like that. I’ll just have a look – Oh, the last part should be the ‘Fall from Innocence’, and it’s by Stephen King.
I got to bed around 11:30 pm.
I went to Stages last night. The band was excellent. The singer was a real spunk. The drummer (I bumped into him and he said sorry) sounded really friendly. They are a different type of group. Not heavy metal, or anything. Sort of like the old Duran Duran, except with a girl in there. They sung all sorts of different songs ranging from Duran Duran to INX, and more. Heaps of people were there. Max Sutherland was with his mates. Stephen, one of them, Milly Newman’s old boyfriend, recognised me and came and said hi. He’s a nice guy.
I stayed with some flitterish 5th formers that I knew from school. They were probably flitterish because of the boys. There were those crazy 5th form guys there too, with Alex Papadopolis. Spelt close enough like that. Well, it sounds the same. Or maybe it’s Papadopolos. He used to like me when I was 14, but he was really short back then. Someone thought he looked like a girl at that age, but I didn’t think so. Anyway, I got home after 11 pm.
I went to karate the next day. No Mike. I hurt my foot. Did something to my muscles in it as well as bruised it. It better get better before Tuesday’s karate. I seem to be accident prone or something.
We did some fighting, which I liked, although in gradings it isn’t as much fun, but I still enjoy it, probably because it feels sort of like playing. Well, not exactly, depends on who you get to fight. It wouldn’t be playing for real. I can’t describe in words what it feels like. I wonder what I would do if I have to fight Mike. I just don’t know.
I can’t be bothered saying any more – so I might talk later on. Especially about Mike. P.S. Danielle Nicholls may not be Mike’s sister after all.
MONDAY
31
OCTOBER
(Typed on a piece of paper)
I’ve got typing now, as you must have guessed already. I am in heaps of pain because my neck is all stuffed up and I can’t move it much unless I want to get hurt more. All along the right side is so painful and stiff. I didn’t want to go to school because of it. It must have come from sleeping funny. But it isn’t a funny matter. I just wish it would go away. I’ve got P.E. next so I could rest upstairs and do nothing, or maybe I could read Shena’s book.
It’s mufti day today. It’s a bit pointless for me because I wear mufti every day. Though, it’s different when you see all the younger forms in mufti. Well, my younger sister’s not complaining. The school is having it because they didn’t get enough money from the last mufti day, so they can sponsor two kids’ education.
Mike is here today. I don’t know what to say next. In the rest of my diary you can guess what I wish. Well, anyway I still have this other wish; it’s to go to the Olympics as a cyclist. I’m going to train in the summer, a lot!
I wish this neck ache would go away, it is real painful. I can’t stand having it all day long. Not many people could anyway. I seem to be having a lot of trouble with soreness lately. I was aching on Thursday with a sore elbow; I think it was called tennis elbow even though I did it in karate. And I went and wacked my sore toe, the one that was dislocated, and on Sunday I did something during ka
rate to my foot because I had to bandage it up when I got home. I could hardly walk on it, it was so painful. I think it could have been a cramp. And now this!
I’ve got to keep typing, since I have about 15 minutes left before the bell goes and I need to look busy. If there are spelling mistakes in here it’s because I can’t look at the typewriter properly due to my ______ neck. I better not swear or else someone will probably read this and I will get into trouble. They better not read it or they will be the ones who will be in trouble! I also forgot to put down that I had this great big whopping bruise under a blood vessel in my right hand, and I couldn’t move my smaller fingers at the end properly, and it’s still a bit there. I’m even getting a sore neck on the other side due to leaning on it, because of the ________ other side. I seem to be complaining a lot now, well, you can’t exactly blame me for it with my bad luck lately with injuries.
Though, I wouldn’t mind everything that’s happening to me if I didn’t have these aches and pains, and I would be in pure heaven if Mike asked me out. I really would.
I can’t be bothered writing any more since the bell should go soon. I wish it would go now.
P.S. I want to know what mark I got for my art folio.
TUEDAY
1
NOVEMBER
So far I’m pleased with my marks for school, and they are flukes. Pure flukes. So far I’ve passed all my subjects with Typing 50% (which was lucky due to that stuff up in one of my exams), Biology 51% (bye, bye, not doing you ever again), Art 63% and Computers 64%. But for Art I could get at least 68% because of the scaling that they will be doing. I got second in my class and first out of the Graphic Artists. English is the only mark I haven’t got back yet. It’s one of my best subjects. I may get it back in the last period, because all the other subjects gave their marks out today. Thinking about it, I might even get a 1 for Art, but I reckon it may take another one of my flukes, although since I came second in the class I should get it, since they give a 1 to the first three people with the highest mark. Though, I’m not sure whether it’s all the classes put together or per class. Well, I hope it means one class each.
Bye for now.
SATURDAY
5
NOVEMBER
I went to a Campus Life dance last night and it had a small fireworks display and games to win an award, which was a mechanic suit with writing over it, like the one Vince Martin wears. Howick-Pakuranga won it, whereas my group came second. All the Campus Life clubs from South Auckland were there. The people from our club (even though this is the first time I’ve even been) were really nice. In the competition I hurt my dislocated toe, but it’s OK now. Ours was the only other group in the circle besides Howick-Pakuranga’s. To do the game, you had to stay in the circle without being pushed out until you were one of the last 3 people remaining. There were heaps of people there. The boys’ competition was won by my group: 3 guys from our club.
Well, enough of talking about that. I must do some work around the house. Anyway, we got Guy Fawkes (fireworks) tonight. I’ll talk to you a bit later.
SUNDAY
6
NOVEMBER
I guess I didn’t write back yesterday, I didn’t have the time.
I saw Mike at the fireworks display. He looked so gorgeous. He didn’t go to karate today, though, neither did his friend Liam. But Mike will have to go next Sunday because it’s the 5th kyus’ (yellow belts) grading.
I’ll be going to karate on Tuesday finally. I have to get my hours up since I missed heaps due to my dislocated toe.
Sorry about the mess the pen is making. It’s leaking all over my hands and the paper. Probably because of the position it’s in all the time. Downwards.
I should improve my writing in the book, I write too slack or in a hurry. Well, too bad anyway.
You know the notes that I have in this book that are separate? Well, I write them at school when I’m bored in class or have nothing else to do, but lately I’ve been reading instead. So far I have read one book and am part way through another. They are written by Stephen King, who is a really good writer. The first book that I read was called ‘Different Seasons’. It was made up of separate stories – four altogether. It had ‘Stand By Me’ in it (called ‘The Body’ here). Now I’m reading ‘Christine’, which is about a haunted car. These books are close to 600 pages long. There’s even one around 1000 pages, but I haven’t read that one yet. I got the books from Shena. She’s got a collection of them.
Back to talking about the karate gradings again. They said that only two yellow belts are going to be graded, because they have trained regularly. The others haven’t done enough hours yet. I think I know who will be graded, since they go all the time. My grading will be here soon, and I’m going to make sure that I have enough hours of training to do it.
I better go and do some work now, I may be back to write later or if I don’t I’ll probably write when I get some time.
MONDAY
7
NOVEMBER
(But somehow feels like a Tuesday)
I’m fed up. I’m just fed up with boys. I just can’t seem to get them out of my head. Or more likely I can’t get one guy out of my head. I’m just sick and tired of thinking about him when I know I can’t go out with him. And it makes me BLOODY angry, and I’m going to change all of this to fit what I want for once, and not dream for the impossible. I’ll tell you about it in just a second after some jobs that I have to do or I’ll get in trouble.
Back now. I’m not going to be a stupid idiot anymore. I’m not going to make a fool of myself anymore, and I’m going to have some time to myself and not think about boys! Because they piss me off. All I ever seem to do is make a fool of myself in front of them and I’m not going to do that again. I’m going to wise up to them now. I’m not going to be humiliated anymore. And I’m not going to look out for them anymore. And I mean it! If I don’t keep my word I’ll just get hurt more and I’ll deserve it for being so naive. If guys aren’t interested in me it’s their own fault, not mine, it’s them who’ll be missing out, not me, and I don’t really give a stuff now. I’m just going to get on with my own life, not theirs. If a boy asks me out, fine, that will be bloody great if I like him, but until then I’m just going to play it cool. I’m going to enjoy my summer without them ruining it and with them having me look childish and all mushy over them.
From now on I’m going to be myself, not someone acting stupid to impress a guy or following them around. They can piss off for all I care right now. I’m just so mad at them and their stupid games, which I will not take one second longer!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TUESDAY
8
NOVEMBER
I must have rambled on for ages yesterday, probably just wanting to use up the empty space in this book, or it was more likely I was pissed off. Anyway, I’m perfectly fine today. I’ve read heaps of ‘Christine’ and I’ve got a ‘Guns ‘n’ Roses’ video tape from Shena.
On Thursday I’ve got my Bio trip, all day long.
I’ve got karate tonight at 6:30. I’ve only been once on a Tuesday, and that was before I dislocated my toe. Last time there was only me, a yellow belt and a blue belt, and we had a black belt each. I hope it will be good tonight. Last time we did fighting when I was there, and I had to fight all the black belts.
The back of my head is hurting now, right at the bottom, I don’t know why, but I wish it would go away. Sorry, I broke my flow there, didn’t I? I just say what comes into my head sometimes. I get told I go off in tangents (I think that’s the word). I could be doing something, then I will say something else out of the blue, like when a serious bit is happening in a movie and I’ll say loudly, “She’s wearing a nice dress.” I get a look from whoever else is watching, like: “She’s dying and you’re saying that?” But it probably was a really nice dress, so why not say it? My dad says things at important points like that too, but intentionally. When someone is dying or has been shot in a TV programme, he’ll say: “Don
’t worry, they’ll get up and get paid”, totally ruining the moment. Or sometimes he might say, “They’ll get paid extra for that.” He always has a smile on his face when he’s saying it, and he always gets a loud “D-a-d!!!” in return.
Anyway, about tonight. I’m going to get ‘Neighbours’ taped and the first 10 minutes of ‘V’. It’s the final tonight. Should be good.
I hope that there will be some brown belts at karate, because last time there was only one and all he did was sit and watch. It should still be different. I think I want the brown belts there because they are my age and the highest you can go if you’re under 18. I want to be that good someday.
TUESDAY
15
NOVEMBER
I am so excited, because soon I won’t have to go to school anymore. On Thursday it’s the last day for classes and on Friday it’s sign out day. I am just so excited that I can do what I always wanted now (after Friday morning). I have all the time in the world. I have about 2 and ½ months of holidays. It’s that great!!! All the 7th and 5th formers have had their last day at school today, except for the exam and book return days, so it’s going to be so quiet at school.
I want to buy the Fan Club album, because the song sung by them ‘Paradise’ is my favourite song at the moment. They have other really good songs too – ‘Sensation’ and ‘Call Me.’
Today, Clara suggested joining a dance group and I think it’s a good idea. Lauren (not my sister) wants to do the same.
I’ve got Computer Studies first tomorrow, while the computer test will be on Thursday. I’ve got Typing second and I’ve got to finish my project then – if I can. I’ll have to do it at lunch time. 3rd period is P.E. Nothing wrong about that. It will be a lot quieter because there won’t be any 5th formers. For 4th period I have English and I will hand my story over. No problem there. And last will be my final EVER Bio lesson. Yey!!!