Don't Peek (The Diaries of a Teenage Girl) Read online

  Goodnight.

  FRIDAY

  24

  FEBRUARY

  I found out Tate’s not doing the dance class anymore and that it costs $100 a year, so I don’t think I’ll do it now, but it was still a cool idea.

  On Monday the 13th we have our school camp. That’s in 2 weeks’ time. I thought it was in a week’s time. Well, too bad. I’ve got to fill up my time, so it will come sooner.

  Already four weeks of school has gone past now. Right now I would love to be at a party and meeting people. I’m not going to any parties or places this weekend, because Amy is visiting her uncle in the South Island.

  I wish I would get some letters tomorrow; I should, because I’ve got about five pen pals.

  At karate on Sunday the green and orange belts are going for their gradings. I should be getting my marks and certificate back from my grading soon, I hope.

  I had to run off just then, because the new finch got out of the birdcage, he is in the sitting-room now. He’s so hard to catch. We – Mum and I – have shut the sitting-room up so he won’t get away. We’ll get him later.

  I went to the play ‘Holy Days’ on Wednesday. We saw it at the university theatre. It was the first day back for uni students. Man, university is so different from college. It’s just so much like an American school.

  Went to pick my younger sister up with Mum at Rainbow’s End where the all-night party was. It sounded really excellent, it made me want to be in it.

  There is something bugging me right now, and it’s not my stomach ache. It’s loneliness. I need a boyfriend real bad. I’m feeling down without one and I seem to have an empty space in me that needs someone to fill it.

  I think I will go and look at the modern dance class. Yes, I think I will, because I might be interested in it whether Tate is going or not. I feel like dancing. Badminton is getting boring. The kids that are going now are too young. Practically all the ones my age have left.

  I want to go to Campus Life, but it’s on the same time as karate on Thursday, so I’m going to have to miss a few karate lessons so I can at least go to one or two Campus Life get-togethers, and have some fun.

  Boy, have I got a stomach ache. It must have been from the ride home. I think it could also have been that apple I ate.

  I don’t know how to get any boys at school interested in me. I’ve got to go places out of school to get a boyfriend.

  I need a boyfriend. I do.

  Goodnight.

  SATURDAY

  25

  FEBRUARY

  I went to church for confession with Mum and Nina. I hate going to confession, because it makes me feel uncomfortable telling the priest what I did wrong, especially since no one wants to say those things since it’s personal. And a lot of the time it’s just boring stuff, like fighting with my sister. Though, it does sort of make me feel better afterwards, I just wish I didn’t have to do the before bit.

  Anyway, afterwards I asked around for jobs, then later on I walked to the shopping centre and got a Mother’s Day card and a postcard of Piha. On the way back, I picked up my bike from Shena’s, and talked to her for a little while. She passed her driver’s test. She’s going to give me the answers from the oral test, so that will be good.

  On Monday I won’t be doing any school work, only athletics. Also, I’m going to see what the modern dancing is like.

  I’ve got church at 6:30 tonight, then at 7:30 there is the Miss New Zealand Competition. I want to watch that because a girl, who was in my class at school, is in it. I hope she does well.

  For History I got a new essay to do. My last one only got 10/20 so I want to do better on this one. It’s due in on the 2nd of March. I have to do it on: ‘‘The King ruled but the aristocracy governed’. To what extent is this true of the Elizabethan Period?’ But instead of ‘King’ it really means Queen Elizabeth. I’ve got to look up information on the government and parliament.

  I’ve also got my Art History task to do by Tuesday, and I must do some English by Thursday. Also, there is Art to be done by Thursday. So, there’s heaps to do.

  ‘The Henderson Kids’ are on now. Kylie Minogue is in it.

  WEDNESDAY

  1

  MARCH

  I had Sports Day today. Got sunburnt and really stuffed. My legs are so stiff. I hung around with a girl called Susan. She is really nice. I won my form relay race. We had four people in it for the 4 by 100 metre run. Clara, Jemma, Carol, and I were in it. I ran last, so we finished way ahead of everyone else.

  I got two letters today from my pen pals, and one yesterday too. I have to send Jeremy’s card off quick, so it’ll get to him in time for his birthday on Saturday.

  I’m looking forward to the party on Friday night. Amy knows the guy who’s having the party. It’s a double birthday party. It’s way out in Mt. Roskill though, which is about 30 minutes drive away. It starts at 6:00 and we will get home around 11:20 or 11:30. Something like that.

  I won’t hand my History essay in tomorrow, because I will be missing that period since I have to go to the Eastern Zone Athletics meeting in the hall at 3rd period. I also won’t be having History on Friday, too, because we have the Liberal Studies film.

  Goodnight.

  MONDAY

  20

  MARCH

  The 7th form camp was excellent. I had so much fun. Pity it was so short though. It went from Monday to Wednesday. It should have been a whole week. I took heaps of neat photos. I did abseiling – it was superb, also I did sailing, snorkelling, canoeing, etc.

  Amy dropped Tate last night, and he had it coming. He was supposed to come over yesterday for a small get together with Amy, her brother, my younger sister, and I. He was also supposed to bring some friends too, then an hour after it starts he phones up to say he can’t come because of homework, and we know he’d just been to Zane’s. The nerve of it. That’s the second time he’s done it when I was around and I know he’s done it heaps of other times, because Amy told me. He deserved to get dropped, the prat.

  Anyway, I got tomorrow off because it’s Teachers’ Strike day.

  I did the 40 hour famine on the weekend, which went alright.

  I’m going to do my yellow belt grading in two months. It’s supposed to be an honour, because I’ve been going regularly and have been doing well, so they are going to grade me sooner. I’m going to grade with the other girl, so I won’t be doing it by myself, again.

  THURSDAY

  13

  APRIL

  I’m in a real fidgety mood. All I can think about is asking Darius whether he would like to go with us (Amy, Penelope, Cathy) to town. He’s in my English class and he’s also going to karate now. I first noticed him when I got moved to my new English class, because he has beautiful blue eyes. He’s got cute buns too (he he). I’ve been a bit rude and have been making comments to my friends about his butt. I’ve been seeing him around a lot. He’s in Mike Nicholl’s group.

  Penelope is bringing her boyfriend and a guy for Cathy. Amy’s not sure whether she can make it because she has band practice with Mike. She is a backup singer. But all I can think of is Darius’s cute smile. He didn’t go to karate tonight, but I wasn’t sure whether he was allowed to go. I’m going crazy. I just can’t stop thinking about him. I see him everywhere. I’ve never felt this way before. Is he going to be another Gabriel Norton? He is just so-o-o nice. He talks to me, says “Hi” and smiles. He even gave me and Amy a lift home from karate. I’ve just got to go out with him. Please! Don’t let this be another disappointment. Please! Let him say “Yes”! I don’t think I could stand another rejection. I just can’t wait till tomorrow to see him. I pray that he will be at school. Please, I’m getting really weird over this. I’m getting too excited. Hyperactive. I just can’t think straight. I’m always picturing Darius looking at me and smiling. Please! Let him like me. All I can think of is the first term in 4th form when Gabriel was after me, and I was too stupid to realise it until it was too late. I just hope
it’s a repeat excerpt this time, but with Darius as my Romeo, and him saying ‘YES’!

  I’m just so nervous, it’s not funny. I got in this state before when I can’t wait to get something done. He is going to be my first boyfriend. It’s funny, I can just feel it. He just feels like he is the right one. Oh, man, it feels so much like I’m back in the 4th form. It’s a rerun. Yet, I’m really scared that Darius will say no. I’m so scared I will be rejected. I do not want a rerun of what happened with Mike Nicholls. No, please not that again. I need to be accepted for once, not rejected. Please, Darius, I’m going crazy over you. Why do I always have to ask the boy out? Why wasn’t Darius at karate tonight? Please say yes to me, Darius, please be my first. Darius just seems the right one. He’s so special. It just seems right. It feels like he is the right one.

  PLEASE SAY YES!

  FRIDAY

  14

  APRIL

  I’m still very fidgety. I’ve just had assembly and I’m at History now. I haven’t asked him yet and I’m getting nervous. I’m scared he will say no or have work. I really want him to say yes. I just hope it’s not too late to ask him. I got chicken before. I could have gone up to him and asked him, but I wanted back-up from my friends. I’ll ask him, I just can’t go up to him by myself. I’m getting butterflies. I want to get this over and done with. I don’t know whether I can receive another blow if he rejects me. I’ve had it too much and I need a yes for once. I don’t know whether I can take two guys in one group rejecting me. Mike rejected me. Well, it felt that way, although I didn’t actually ask him out. Still, I just can’t be humiliated anymore. I am so scared of being rejected. I just don’t know Darius’s answer and I’m very critical of myself so I’m afraid he’ll say ‘no’. Please let him want to go out with me.

  FRIDAY

  21

  APRIL

  He said YES! This was a week ago now, and I’m going out with him. He is so gorgeous. He is my first boyfriend. I’ll tell you what happened from last Saturday onwards.

  Well, on Friday when I asked him out, I was shaking like crazy. I hope he didn’t notice, but it didn’t matter, because he said YES! I asked him in the school library. I almost chickened out, because I’ve never asked a guy to his face before, only over the phone. But a girl I know, who’s going out with his best friend, stopped me from backing out. She encouraged me, and I’m so grateful, because I expected, like with Zane, for him to say no. BUT he didn’t!

  So, on Saturday I got all done up to look good for Darius. He was bringing a friend along too. He asked me the night before on the phone (Friday the 14th). Anyway, he was supposed to come to my house at 1:00, but he didn’t realise that it was so far to walk here, so at 1:20 Cathy rang me up to say that our lift had gone, her dad, because he had to go to work, and since I couldn’t wait any longer, my Mum and I went looking for Darius and his friend. We found them walking up the road. We picked them up, then went straight to Cathy’s place, but it was the wrong house. Amy told me it was 202, but it was really 212. She had mistakenly got the wrong number from Cathy. Because of this, I had to walk around for ages, trying to find Cathy’s house and in the end I went to the real estate agents across the highway so I could ring home to get her number, so I could find her house. When I finally got her address I went back to the car where Mum, Darius, and Anthony were, and I kept on saying sorry all the time. I was so embarrassed. Darius was a good sport about it.

  After all of this, we finally went and picked up Cathy, then Mum drove us all to Darius’s house so we could get his car, because we had no other way to get into town. When we got to his place, he got his keys and we all piled into his car. I saw his twin brother. They look heaps alike, except for their hair. Next, Darius then drove us in, but we couldn’t find the others, and since we were ¾’s of an hour late, we went to the pictures straight away. We got there just as it started; it was ‘Naked Gun’. The film was stupid, but it was worth being there with Darius. Afterwards, we went to McDonalds, then to a record shop, then we walked around looking at other shops. When it was time to go, we all piled into Darius’s car and drove home. We dropped Cathy off first, then Darius asked me to a party. He’d asked me earlier, but he told me all about it properly. I said that I wasn’t sure, because Mum and Dad were going out and I had to look after my younger sister, but I would ask and see. So, he dropped me off at the fish and chip shop so I could get Nina’s and my tea. Then we said goodbye.

  After I got the chips, I walked home and partly ran. As I was going up the hill, I was thinking of how I could persuade Mum to let me go to the party, but when I got home I found Dad was the only one there. He told me that Nina may have broken her shoulder by falling off her skateboard, and that Mum had taken her to the hospital. When they came back, we found out that it was a broken arm at the top. So, that crossed out all my chances of going to the party. I was really afraid that Darius wouldn’t want to go out with me again because of all the cufufal (I have no idea how to spell that word) with what happened before being in town. But that was not so, because the next day after karate he came up to me and asked me why I wasn’t at the party. I explained about what had happened with my sister and he offered me a lift. I had my bike, but he said it was alright and put it in the boot of his car. He then drove me home, and when we got there he helped me get my bike out, and then asked me out for next week. I was thrilled. I said yes of course. As soon as he left, I went around the corner and jumped for joy. My first boyfriend!

  The next day at school I had English first and I met him there. After English he waited for me, and we walked over to the assembly for the Board of Education candidates of students. He sat with me. Once assembly was finished, we walked to our classes and said goodbye. I had History. At Interval everyone was asking about my date with Darius. They were thrilled. At third period we went to assembly again and listened to more candidates. Me, Amy, and the others were sitting across the hall from Darius, because he came in late, and Amy said he kept looking at me. She reckons he likes me heaps. I hope so. Everyone at school knows we’re going out together now, and if they don’t they will soon.

  Well, on Wednesday he gave me a lift to the pictures for Liberal Studies. We had English before lunch, and I went to sit with him and his group for a little while. Darius, me, and his friend Anthony went to the pictures. We picked up two other guys on the way and gave them a lift. Darius had seen the film ‘The Mission’, which we were seeing, so he went home. But, before he left I gave him my number.

  ‘The Mission’ was good. It was sad, but it had beautiful photography. I walked home after it.

  Darius was at karate on Thursday and we talked. He didn’t go to karate on Tuesday, because he had to study for a test.

  Today we talked heaps and laughed. He was so-o-o gorgeous today. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. Before he went to roll call, me and Amy ran over to ask him whether he wants to go to Rainbow’s End on Tuesday. Amy will be going with Mike (not Nicholls) and I will be with Darius. We will get a lift with Amy’s mum. He said YES! So that will be excellent. I will tell him all the details on Sunday at karate. I hope he phones me or asks me out for any day.

  I like him HEAPS and I reckon he is GORGEOUS!

  Shena has left school. She got a job in a bank. Her final day was last Wednesday. She starts work on Monday the 24th, which means she won’t be walking to school with me anymore, because she will be working. But, I will still see her. One day we will watch her ‘Superstars of Wrestling’ tape. I can’t see it this weekend because I’m so busy.

  TUESDAY

  2

  MAY

  I want to see Darius right now. I really like him heaps, and heaps, and heaps, etc. On Saturday, me and Darius went to see ‘Dangerous Liaisons’, a really good movie about mistresses and lovers, and deceit. It was complicated, and had a sad ending. Amy was there too, but by herself, because the other guys - Cathy, Penelope, Tarj, and Simon didn’t show up. So, after the pictures Darius, me, and Amy piled into Darius’s car and h
e dropped her off first then me next. He asked whether I would like to come over to his house for a video at 7:00, and of course I said “Yes”. I went and met his mother, stepfather, and his two cousins: one of them is Seth, who was in my younger sister’s class last year. We watched the film ‘Overboard’ with Goldie Hawn in it.

  I went for my yellow belt grading on Sunday with Lana. We both passed and now I’m a coloured belt! The black belt who took us said that it was the best grading he has seen for our grade. I got bruises all the way up my left arm and on my knuckles from the ten fights we had to do.

  I’m going to the neighbouring college tonight at 7:30 for the careers evening. Tomorrow I don’t have English, so I’m going to talk to Darius at lunchtime. I should have done that today. I really like him.

  I got the job at the department store Kendals. I’ll be working on Fridays from 5:00 to 9:00 and Saturdays from 9:30 to 12:00 or 12:30. So, at least I’ll have some cash. I probably will be working in the holidays too, but not all of the holidays – or they wouldn’t be holidays!

  WEDNESDAY

  3

  MAY

  (Written on a piece of paper, and left in my diary)

  I should stop worrying about Darius not wanting to go out with me anymore. I’m getting paranoid, which is mainly because Mum won’t let me go to that party he invited me to. The problem is that it’s an overnight one just outside of Auckland. But I still really, really want to go, so I’m going to ask her again. Tomorrow I have English first, so I’ll talk to Darius about it and see what’s happening. Also, I hope he wants to do something in the holidays. My mind’s all in a muddle. I just need to be with him, so I know that he likes me and I don’t have to worry. I wish my paranoia would go away, so I can relax for once.